Stability Helps Children of Divorce

I just finished up a modification trial today regarding child custody. As an attorney, I strive not only to represent my client but when the case involves the children, my duty also includes thinking about how the outcome could affect them as well. A recent article on Newswise and included in the Journal on Marriage and Family reported that for children of divorce, what happens after their parents split up may be just as important to their long-term well-being as the divorce itself.

A new study found that children who lived in unstable family situations after their parents divorced fared much worse as adults on a variety of measures compared to children who had stable post-divorce family situations. “For many children with divorced parents, particularly young ones, the divorce does not mark the end of family structure changes – it marks the beginning,” said Yongmin Sun, co-author of the study and associate professor of sociology at Ohio State University’s Mansfield campus. “A stable family situation after divorce does not erase the negative effects of a divorce, but children in this situation fare much better than do those who experience chronic instability”

The study compared children who grew up in three different situations including children who grew up in married households, children whose parents divorced before the study began but lived in a stable home, and children whose family situation changed once or twice during teen years.

Results showed that young adults who grew up in stable post-divorce families had similar chances of attending college and living in poverty compared to those from always married families. But they fared less well on measures of the highest degree obtained, occupational prestige and income. However, those who lived in unstable family situations after their parents divorced did worse on all measures. In fact, they fared more than twice as poorly on most measures compared to their peers who had stable family situations.

This study found that for those in stable post-divorce families, the difference in adult well-being was mostly due to a shortage of economic and social resources. Compared to always-married parents, divorced parents had a lower level of income, didn’t talk to their children as much about school-related matters, had fewer interactions with other parents, and moved their children to new schools more often.

These findings provide a clear message to parents: minimize disruption during a divorce and after.

When S/He Won't Pay

On May 20, 2008 a man from central Florida will stand in front of a Judge and possibly be sentenced to five years in prison for failing to pay hundred of thousands of dollars in child support. Robert Abraham, age 65, pleaded guilty in mid-March to failing to pay $651,000 in child support for his three children. The charges marks the first time anyone in his county of residence has been charged with a felony for neglecting to make child support payments.

Often custodial parents face the same ordeal, although owing hundred of thousands of dollars is rare. In Iowa, the custodial parent can bring a contempt action in court for non-payment and each missed monthly payment may be the basis for individual counts of contempt. If the non-custodial parent has missed many months, the counts can add up (26 counts in a case I handled last year). The court can employ many remedies which are set out in the Iowa Code including forcing the non-custodial parent to post bond equal to months of future-owed payments, fines and jail time - up to 30 days for each finding of contempt.

Abraham further demonstrated his lack of intelligence when he declined to settle his $651,000 child support debt for $200,000.

What Not to Do During Divorce

The Oregon Divorce Blog recently published a good post about what NOT to do during divorce. It points out that many pitfalls and traps await parties who are unfamiliar with the process noting that people often make bad decisions under stress, or without the guidance of an experienced lawyer and fail to educate themselves.

I agree, that by avoiding the following 10 pitfalls, you may get a better result. During your divorce, you should NOT:

1. Lie to your lawyer.

2. Lie to the court.

3. Involve the kids in the process.

4. Hide or fail to produce documents.

5. Refuse to cooperate with a court appointed expert.

6. Settle without analyzing your case.

7. Fail to try to resolve the case outside of court.

8. Take out your stress in unhealthy ways.

9. Be economically irrational in negotiations.

10. Be your own lawyer if your case is contested and your spouse is represented.

To read an explanation as to why you should avoid these pitfalls, click on the above-link.

Choosing Sides in Break-ups

What is your role as a friend when a close couple-friend breaks up or divorces? CNN.com ran an article today addressing this problem, primarily in the boyfriend/girlfriend break-up scenario. However, much of the advice applies to divorcing couples.

What should you do when you're friends with both parties? Where should your loyalties lie, and how can you avoid alienating either member of the couple? Sometimes distancing yourself from one or both until tension eases is a good solution. Sometimes buying the first round of drinks for the first-in line-first in time (a/k/a "I knew you first") friend is the trick. Whatever route you take, remember if there are children involved keep them protected. Make sure that any discussions regarding the other spouse/party is done outside the earshot (preferrably home) of the children.

Bringing Children Around New Relationships

Recently, J. Benjamin Stevens, an attorney with the South Carolina firm of Stevens MacPhail posted a good blog on dating after divorce. Like Mr. Stevens points out, many of my divorce clients ask whether they can allow their child around a new boyfriend/girlfriend following a divorce.

While you may meet resistance from your new ex-spouse, having your child around a new girlfriend/boyfriend is permissible so long as s/he acts appropriately, doesn't have something in his/her past (such as a recent child abuse conviction) that is inappropriate, and the new person isn't there overnight. However, with respect to the latter, this may be more applicable in a new relationship before the child has time to adjust to the divorce and the parent's new relationship. There comes a point when overnights typically occur however, discretion and consideration for the child's feelings should be paramount.